Bittersweet-- Part 2

And then the bitter....

So yeah, about that 72 hours being fast. I had no idea just how fast it would go. What a whirlwind weekend!  I am still trying to process it and figure out how I went from being a married mom of 3 kids and a new baby to a married single mom of 3 kids and a new baby so quickly. 

A few weeks ago I wrote about having to speak in stake conference on finding strength and joy in keeping my covenants. I wrote about how I wrestled with the idea of being asked to speak and wondering why. Not as in "why me?" But more along the lines of knowing I am just kind of a "no one" who happens to have lots of opinions about anything and everything. Wondering why they would want me to speak to the whole stake when there are plenty of other inspiring people with more experience. 

But now I think I know why. The Lord knew something I didn't. Let me rephrase that. I have always known He knows more than me; but as I look back on all that's happened in the last month or so (fridge breaking, dryer breaking, dishwasher slowing down, microwave burning up, using money we had been saving for a second car and coming "this" close to finally getting one only to have to wait once again... Someday, please can we get a dang car?!), I see how the hand of The Lord was intrinsically involved. I mean, down to every last detail. And spending those two weeks researching and preparing a talk about finding strength in keeping covenants, well, it's all there. He was preparing me for something big. Something monumental, and I needed to be prepared. I have heard church leaders talk about the "echoes of our testimonies" and in this case, it was the echo of my testimony that sounded in my ear when my husband picked up the phone that night at dinner and answered the call to serve. 

Knowing this, and seeing all that has happened with a new perspective, I have found a great deal of peace despite all the chaos of something this huge happening so last minute. Having said that, even though I feel the hand of The Lord outstretched to hold on to mine, it didn't make the goodbye any easier. 

My eyes were so swollen from the day's events, I could hardly see. My mother in law kept asking me where the "heroine" was and I told her she was taking the day off and would be back tomorrow. 

This is actually from Friday afternoon when he sat the kids down and told them he would be leaving and where he was going. I sat in the corner nursing the baby bawling my eyes out. Way to be a strong mom. Not my best moment.

My sweet sister Jen sent me flowers just hours after I called and told her that he was leaving. 

We noticed while he was packing a certain little girl's beloved toys kept appearing at the top of his suitcases. Bless her heart for being more brave and trying to comfort him. She is such a beautiful soul.

We took about a million photos on his final day, and this is one of my favorites. He gave the three older kids one of his uniform hats and they wanted to salute everyone while standing under our new special flag. Makenna looks like she is beauty pageant ready.

Never ever going to get over this picture. Ever.

 



 

After all the tears and blessings and a quick bite to eat after church, he was off. We had no idea how he was going to get down to his base (again with the 2nd car issue) and I really feel like Heaven was close to us because prayers and requests kept getting answered. His parents came for the blessing to surprise us and I had been praying for a miracle and woke up in the morning with the answer! His parents drove him to his base, stayed the night with him, and got him off to his squadron the next morning. That was SUCH a blessing because we really didn't know what he was going to do or just how he was going to get around his base. Once there, a member of his squadron drove him to rent a car, which we were able to get for $40 cheaper than the already low price quoted online. It was amazing how things kept falling into place one after the other, like a stacked set of dominoes. 

I titled this post bitter but truthfully, part two of our day was just as sweet as part one. The only difference is that we were the ones being blessed this time, by our Heavenly Father. Yes, the goodbye was painful, but the comfort and the evidence "not seen" was so soothing to our sad hearts, that it more than compensated for the pain of goodbye. 

There is strength and joy to be found in keeping and honoring our covenants. There is comfort to be felt even when the pain seems too heavy to bear. And there is always a sweet peace that comes when you're silent enough to let go of the bitterness and allow it to come.