Lump in my throat

It's been almost 6 weeks since my husband left. I wish I could say we are half way done but I have a ways to go before that and truthfully we are just getting started. I don't cry every day like I did in the beginning, which is a huge plus. I used to give myself permission to cry as long as the kids weren't around, but that never seemed to happen (they are always around!). 

I had hoped by this time that constant lump in my throat would have disappeared but it hasn't. Yesterday while visiting Happy Valley (aka Utah county), my sister gave me the gift of two hours of solace and I walked across the street to the Provo Temple. When the session was over, and I was on the "other side" and didn't see my husband there waiting for me (he's always there when I go to the temple), I just burst into tears and left quickly. And today that same sister picked her husband up from the airport after he had been gone for a month and when I saw them embrace, I couldn't help it and broke my own rule of not crying in front of the kids. 

Thankfully my man and I still get to FaceTime almost every day, and even though the connection can be pretty spotty, I know I am very blessed to be able to see and talk to him as much as I do. He has one day off a week and those are his hardest days because he doesn't have anything to distract him. I send him pictures daily of the kids, especially the baby so he can see her progress. She has actually put on a few ounces since he left. Hooray!  Thankfully she will still be our tiny tator tot when he gets back and won't have changed too much. He missed a full year of his other baby girl and that was rough. 

My family here in Utah is taking good care of us. My kids are in cousin heaven and for the most part I am able to have empty hands for brief moments during the day. The baby is even "this" close to taking a binky-- for my sisters, not for me-- so that helps, too. Being near so many temples and the mountains makes my heart comforted as I am reminded of eternity and the grandeur of life's experiences. I have been very blessed and despite the lump I carry around in my throat, the clock is ticking and soon this will all just be a memory. I might even be able to say, "Wow, I totally rocked that." For now I am content just to say, "I made it today."